ouch
One day, becky takes out OJ and reads the first day study. It talks about constantly checking yourself to make sure you love god. Not out of respect but genuine love. It talked about people who have bigger burdens to be forgiven having a greater love for the person who is able to release them from their burden. How true that felt since when I was to say more "pure", I felt more self-righteous. Though I knew I was a sinner, I was kept safe in the thought that I had done nothing much to deserve too harsh a punishment. But what really struck me was loving God, as in genuine love. One that had nothing to be held back, not even self-worth. Not one that came out of respect of what God was capable of or whatever. Twas a thought that had never crossed my mind.
Next day, becky went to worship practice as usual. God called to sing Blessed Be Your Name. Becky didn't think much about it though, not til she read the words Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering, though theres pain in the offering, blessed be your name. And truly lord, there was pain in my offering of worship that day.
Next day, becky goes to cell for leaders as she couldn't find an excuse to skip it. Plus, she has been skipping it quite often. She is challenged to stand up as a leader. To once again find the first love, and live for it. To not take life for granted as those around her recall stories of people surviving the most extreme and a leader saying to live each day as your last. And what difference would YOU have made. And let me tell you, it is the hardest thing to do. To deny yourself and live for the purpose of the one who created you.
Anywayz the topic was John 9 about Jesus healing the blind man. At the time, people had this mindset that if you are born blind or disabled, either that person or his parents had sinned, and that is why that person was cursed. But Jesus answered " neither this man nor his parents sinned but this happened to provide an opportunity that the work of God may be displayed through his life." On first read, the obvious conclusion would be that God is such a selfish God to make people suffer for his benefit. As we dug deeper, we found that the curse of being blind or disabled comes from an imperfect world, since the fall of Adam and Eve by commiting the first sin. An example would be Paul's thorn which was caused directly by Satan but it was God which allowed such a thing to occur. So in retrospect, it is actually that we have no choice to be cursed since we are a cursed race, but even by being cursed, God is able to use our broken lifes to let His glory shine through.
Besides that, becky was reminded to have simple child-like faith and be able to accept God and His truth. It doesn't mean switching off your brain and accepting A as A but also at the same time, be able to question God and find out who he is and find out the truth by knowing the word. It was a night of irony actually. *rolls eyes*
Anyway, after that, guess what, they talked about finding a house to buy (there was a couple) and about John getting old and settling down (though hes only 25) and can you imagine the oldest person pointed me out and said "don't leave it til too late. Somemore, you're a doctor and a lady, even worse!" *super rolls eyes* And I specifically remember this "you marry when you're convicted that you should be with someone" then the oldest person said "well yea you can't expect to see a vision and god saying marry this person! neither can you expect the perfect person to come along since there is no1 like that" lol then they talked bout how university time is like the most pressure time to hook up since everyone suddenly starts pairing off. haha no wonder i feel like crap eh=P But yeah, becky is learning, accepting. She knows she has to stop running everytime she hits a rock. Which there will obviously be tons of considering God's path=.=
Back to the purpose of this post, I was reminded of why this blog exists. And though I have no idea who the heck is reading it that the counter is quite high, but I know I'm supposed to share this thought. Why I am doing Medicine. Firstly, I am hardly the type of person who genuinely cares when someone is in pain. I am even tough on myself saying no pain, no gain and purposely enduring suffering which sometimes is just over la. And I am also that way with others, as in I can belittle peoples pain in my mind. And i guess it all started with my mom indirectly belittling my pain too. Go figure, some things just stay with you. So of all things, why am I doing medicine? Well, its cause I felt a conviction to overcome such feelings, to also share God with those that I can help with in what way possible. There are many times i feel like quitting, like this is definitely not worth it, but more than often, God has been faithful and gotten me through so I know i am on the right path. Hes pushing my limits but he keeps reminding me that he is with me on this bumpy road.
On a whole other topic, this week is fun. I've managed to keep myself busy each day (yes becky knows she is distracting herself) Upcoming events: tomorrow shopping with mom, karaoke with zhang n tan yang(suffer!) fri: shopping with albert(believe it or not), cell, *editted due to certain info i have received 2day=.=* wel thats the plan so far but we'll see. Hmm sat is swimming and i guess bro will figure something to do..*editted* note, yes i do know and i will have self-control and not lose myself. thanks for the reminder big guy.
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