Summer in a snowflake

Dearly beloved,

I guess that’s what they say, but sometimes we just mean the one. It pains me to have to tell you that after all these years I’ve finally decided to respond to the one post about us. Maybe its because I think you’re in a better place now and would probably react better, or maybe its because I believe you to be happier. Nevertheless, I hope these words find their way to you and they provide some closure to us. Your rosy coloured view of me was a joy to read, if only I could deserve them. I’m afraid I did not live up to how I was painted and instead feel that I’ve disappointed. To be honest, I felt that we were growing apart not together and that our goals had differed. You did like to wallow and I have always skipped along impatiently. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve cheated and strayed while we were still together, though that person is long gone and was definitely not what I needed. I have wanted to tell you this for so long, but the point of it just seemed to be my own selfishness and I don’t think you deserve that. I think you’ve spent too much time in self-pity and I felt silence would be my best response and defence. I think I have lied enough to ourselves in that time and further words would not suffice. I hope you have pulled yourself out of the trenches and have not shut yourself to the outside world as we were young and life has more meaning than just you and I. The reason I gave you for ending it justified the outcome for me as I was not happy with where I was and all I wanted to do was run. I’m sorry I was cold when you had travelled far but in my mind no maybes could be said, finality was the answer. I know this seems like excuses but it is closing a chapter in my mind that for so long I have wanted to reply to and put some sense into my actions for you. In my mind, I have lost a best friend. 

And so once again, dearly beloved thank you for your mark in my life.